The Myths of Mentorship

Key Takeaways

• There is no all-encompassing model for mentorship.
• Mentorship is a two-way relationship.

When I was in college, I remember wishing I had a mentor. A few friends of mine seemed to develop deeper connections with previous instructors or established professionals, and I knew this meant they had an advantage when entering the job market. At the time, I saw mentorship as a purely transactional relationship.

What I did not recognize at the time was that I too benefited from people who had invested time and energy into offering me advice and guidance. I hadn’t recognized their efforts as mentorship because I had a skewed perception of what mentorship was. I was confusing it with sponsorship.

At the time, I believed that a mentor would essentially pick me, call me regularly, ask me how I’m progressing and be there to hold my hand through the bad times. I also seemed to think that the mentor would do all the work in the relationship.

Such false narratives make the idea of mentorship intimidating and set unrealistic expectations. Both potential mentors and mentees may be intimidated by the idea of mentorship and the investment it requires. Busy professionals, for example, may worry that they do not have the time to mentor someone, whereas a mentee may expect the mentor to do all the work in the relationship.

Mentorship is about give and take, and it is a personal process.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines mentoring as “a professional relationship with a focus on personal and professional development.” Other definitions are similarly ambiguous, and the reason might be that there is not hard and fast rulebook for mentorship.

Unlike a coach or a consultant, a mentor not only listens but also offers direct advice and suggestions based on personal experience and expertise. This person may also find intrinsic satisfaction of giving back.

Because a business mentorship will always be limited to a mentor’s direct experience and perspective, it is imperative that mentees go into these relationships recognizing that the relationship goes both ways, and ultimately, mentees must learn their own lessons. For this reason, the APA also mentions the imperative nature of “establish[ing] appropriate boundaries and expectations at the beginning of the relationship.”

There is often an imbalance of power in a mentor/mentee relationship, and to acknowledge this and foster a positive, enduring relationship requires time, commitment and realistic expectations from both parties. Mentorship is personal, nuanced and often complicated. Herein lies the beauty of it.

Reference 

American Psychological Association, The Lifelong Benefits of Mentoring https://www.apa.org/members/content/lifelong-benefits-mentoring