Reflections of …The Way I Used To Be

First let me express, that I would like to apologize for not blogging for a little while and for the lack of MLHR posts in general.  We have all been pretty busy, and I will be the first one to say  that I have fallen behind in my studies, and now am desperately trying to catch up (if you thought this would change from undergraduate you are mistaken…procrastination never gets old).

So I have been reflecting about how I felt this time last year, and how I feel right now.  To tell you the truth, I have felt that things have been a little easier.  I am only taking 2 classes, have no group projects, and PRAISE BE TO GOD that I am not taking statistics.  Last year, I thought I was in over my head.  I thought that maybe graduate school was a mistake.  I either needed more work experience, actual business experience, or maybe I was not cut out for graduate school.  There were so many different group projects.  Such a different kind of learning atmosphere and subjects than what I was used to in undergrad.  And plus, I will say it took me a little longer than the others to warm up to the cohort.  I was still stuck in a weird phase of “learning how to be an adult but not quite there”.  The general adjustment to graduate school on top of the coursework can be very challenging.  And let’s not forget about that horrible feeling of being rejected from employers, and thinking that you will never get an internship, and will fail out or have to do another year in the program, because no wants to hire you (sorry about the terrible run-on).  There were definite times I felt like dropping out.

As I just stated, I have thought this quarter to be a little easier.  Sure there is still a lot of reading, classes are still long, and I have this internship paper looming over my head.  I also am working more now.  I think this quarter has been less difficult, because I have a year’s worth of maturity (or whatever) from being in the program.  When you’re a first year, I feel like you are trying desperately to prove that you’re worthy to be in the program and that you can cut graduate school.  All that trying can cause a lot of stress.  After a year in the program, I am just more knowledgeable and feel by getting through the first year I have proven that I will be worthy of this diploma I will receive in June.  One of my first blogs said that I was taking 3 classes.  It is now going to be 2 (still need to tell my adviser and the professor).  I just know that I don’t have the time for my Independent Study, and I am not going to burn myself out just to prove myself.  This year I also chose to be just a dancer for BuckeyeThon, and not involved with the organization.  Same goes with the Ohio Union Activities Board (they don’t know this yet).  I don’t need to prove myself in being involved with these organizations anymore.  I still am participating in the dance marathon, and am the Leadership Chair of the MLHR Council.  I know next quarter will be hard with taking 3 classes, but I have gotten through 4 (about to be 5) quarters of graduate school and I will get through the next 2.  I call it a different kind of difficult…there are still challenges that I and the second years are having…they are just different from when we were newbies in the program.

All the first years though should still try really hard to be involved and do things that will challenge them.  No one likes stress, but it builds character and you’ll be prouder of yourself that you got through it all looking to the future now.  And I’m really jealous that you guys have tutors.